Advice on dating after widowhood
The more realistic you can be about the fact that your relationship wasn’t perfect, the easier it will be to set her at ease.Of course, if the woman you’re dating is a CATCH – which we hope she will be!We get a fair number of questions from women who are widows – that is, women whose girlfriend, partner or wife has died.If you’re in that situation, you may be facing some challenges.
If you do find yourself missing your former partner while dating, talking about her in a way you fear is too much, or feeling disloyal to her memory by dating, be gentle with yourself.Having this knowledge can make you feel gun-shy, and also make you feel different from other women. If your partner’s death was due to suicide, this is even more likely. If you and your partner were not out of the closet, you may have had to grieve your loss in private, rather than getting the support you would have gotten if your relationship had been public.This may give you an even bigger load of grief,and anger to work through. If you were with your partner for a long time, and/or are older, it may feel challenging to think of getting used to – and developing intimacy with – a new person. You may find yourself feeling disloyal to your former partner when you date, or even find yourself wanting to date, someone new.A woman might feel intimidated by the mention of your partner who died, or fear she could “never match up.” But the more ease you have in talking about it, the more at ease your dates will likely feel. Well, often on a first or second date, the conversation turns to topics like “So, how long have you been single? ” You can take the lead by asking this question, and then answering it yourself once your date has answered.You might say something like “Actually, my last partner died ___ months/years ago.” When you say this, your date may look shocked and confused, and will probably say “I’m sorry, I had no idea.” This is your chance to set her at ease by saying something like “Of course you didn’t know.