Dating emotional cripple
You constantly interrupt and stuff your points down others’ throats. You keep at it until they give in or give up and otherwise lie down and let you have control of the conversation.But really, at that point no real conversation exists. Inside, they are barely hanging on so they overcompensate by tightening their grip on everything (and often everyone) outside. Insecurities plague the darker parts of their hidden hearts, so they try to control external conditions to keep their anxious insides from spinning out of control.Otherwise, you may win the battle, but at a tremendously high cost.If you have placed your heart in the position of being the lifeblood of your relationship, it becomes easier to justify bully tactics because your feelings are the only feelings to be considered in a fight. Feelings should never trump values and human decency. But if only your feelings count, then what you say in an argument and how you say it becomes irrelevant.You interpret the disagreement as somehow a slap in your face and equate it with rejection.But crying can nonetheless manipulate a disagreement to your favor.
Still, you know you are right, after all, so why wouldn’t you be given control of the conversation, right? And that’s what bullies do, after all: They push and shove until they get what they want.
Are you more concerned with winning the point than honoring the right to keep past mistakes that have long been overcome, stopped, corrected, made up for, repented of, buried there?
Are you more interested in beating your opponent into submission that honoring human decency? And once changed, to be treated as that changed person.
Emotional bullies do the same thing for the same reason. Instead of lunch money, they rob relationships of trust and kindness and respect and depth and maturity. Are they calm discussions or are they punctuated by anger and rage and abusive words meant to hurt? Perhaps you suspect you may be, but are not quite sure.
In the end, it’s not the reason bullies push and shove that makes them bullies. We often go through life with blinders on, very aware of what behavior, while not so clearly seeing our own.
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Fear often therefore motivates the bully’s behavior.