Emotionally invalidating environments Cam random chat grany
How could I have stood up for myself in a more professional way? It’s one thing to be dissatisfied with a raise and advocate for more; that’s fine and reasonable.
But what you did was more like tossing a bomb into the relationship.
I wouldn’t be canceling your 1:1s or ignoring your questions, but I would have had a very serious “whoa, we seem to be on very different pages about how to operate here” conversation with you, and part of that would have been serious reconsideration whether you were the right person to have on my team.
To answer your question about whether or not it’s a bad raise: It depends on factors I don’t know, like how what you’re earning compares to the market rate for the work in your area, how long you’ve been in the job (if it’s been less than a year, this could be perfectly reasonable), and how the company normally handles raises.
Since then, my relationship with my boss has completely deteriorated.
During my review, he called me “disrespectful and ungrateful.” Since then, he’s cancelled all of our 1:1 meetings and is very unresponsive to my questions, emails, etc.
Everything they exhibit is more subtle and muted, and the rabbit’s hole goes very deep.
I mean, I suppose that’s possible, but it’s far more likely that he’s just totally taken aback by your response and is trying to figure out how and whether to move forward, as any manager — good or bad — would be. You said that you’ve apologized several times to your boss. Ideally it needs to be something like, “I’m mortified by my reaction when you told me about my raise.
It’s very hard to work with someone who operates that way, and few managers will choose to.
If I were your boss, this conversation would have left me with grave concerns about your judgment and professionalism.
And just to be clear, this is a lousy raise, right?
Especially considering that I accepted a below-average starting salary to get my foot in the door at this company?