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In our experience, being aligned in our long-term goals and communicating frequently is paramount to enjoying a deep connection.I’ve shared the outline we follow for our finance dates before, but it bears repeating since we apply that model to a whole host of conversation topics in our relationship.The mere idea that arbitrarily giving each other random chocolates* and stuffed bears will forge closeness is blatantly absurd.*For the record, I do love chocolate and anyone is welcome to gift me some at any time other than Valentine’s Day. For us, once our relationship hit a certain level of maturity and intimacy, things like Valentine’s Day diminished in importance.And, if you feel like you to go out on February 14th and spend a ton of money, there might be something else going on in your relationship that should be addressed.Since Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, I wanted to do a frugal analysis of this most oddly consumeristic of holidays.Below are the steps we take anytime we feel disconnected, have had an argument, or its been awhile since we truly checked-in with each other.Following this roadmap helps us move past our anger/frustration and instead isolate what’s legitimately bothering us and collaborate on next steps.

We don’t fly at Christmastime, we travel abroad over Thanksgiving, and we certainly don’t observe Valentine’s Day on 2/14. It was nascent, immature (just like us), and not yet on solid footing.But what I really want to talk about is why my relationship with Mr. Here’s the thing: every convention of Valentine’s Day has the opposite effect of what’s intended.The forced consumerism of this fabricated holiday does nothing to foster a true bond with your partner.Instead of focusing on what we’re going to buy each other, we’re focused on connecting authentically.Instead of lusting after the empty promises of lifestyle inflation, we’re committed to our shared dream of moving to our future homestead in the woods. Its taken us years of concerted communication and active work to solidify our goals and get on the same page about what we want out of life.

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We don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, which I’m sure surprises no one given our status as chief frugal weirdos.

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  1. Gail is the grand-niece of Stork Club owner Sherman Billingsley, and cousin of Glenn Billingsley who was married to actress Barbara Billingsley (1915–2010).